I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
