The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
