By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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