I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
