the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
