Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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