I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
