I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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