happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
