There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
