my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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