I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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