She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
