He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
