You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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