Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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