Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
