I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Edward fifth and chaser hands
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
