I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
