don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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