My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
