Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
