I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My breasts were aching with rage.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
