I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
