even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
