I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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