We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
