how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
