3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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