bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
