Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
well you can't waste a boner
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sext me about skeletons
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
