Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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