I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
