peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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