what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
