i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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