Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize