I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
