Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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