She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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