next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
