is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
