She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
