i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
