Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
