Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
