i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
