im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
