dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
