It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
