I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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