Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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