You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
send nudes
from the living room?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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