i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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