dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize