Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
