I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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