2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
