so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
