I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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