You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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