nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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