he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
