fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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