a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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