somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
