now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
