Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
