And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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