Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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