operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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