so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize