Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize