So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
