you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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