Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
