He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Who died my cat blue again?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize