so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i think my cat just said my name.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
