Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
