I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
