i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I still have a little drunk in my system
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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