i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
