he was CRYING into my vagina
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
