I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
